I was having a second thought whether I should write something about Valentine’s day. I didn’t really want to sound like a cliché as February 14 is approaching and be part of the mainstream celebration. Then I realized why not- after all, in my 43 years of existence, I have witnessed so many people fall in love in many forms.
Love Perseveres. My parents had been married 48 years when my Mom passed away. Their love endured. My father was a good provider, but with five children, it wasn’t enough. My mom supplemented through a lot of side jobs what my Dad fell short with. We are not a perfect family- we were faced with many challenges, and as a young kid, I have seen my parents many times lost their patience to a lot of things. They fought, but in the end, they remained each other’s strengths. Their love persevered.
Love is kind. In the last few months before my best friend succumbed to ovarian cancer, her husband has been by her side all the time tending to even the smallest request she would ask him- “get me some water... cook me some food… scratch my back..etc.” My best friend was very independent, and would never capitalize from her disease but I saw how her personality changed from the chemo drugs she took. Yet, her husband never complained about all these nuisances she caused him. For him all these favors she asked were nothing compared to how she braved her disease. In the end she was defeated by her illness but their relationship left us a proof of how their love was patient and kind.
Love is Love. Then comes my own love story. Unlike my parents’ and my bestfriend’s love stories, mine weathered a different storm but nothing compared to the two I described previously. My partner and I met each other online in 2005. We kept a long-distance relationship until I moved in the US in 2007. When work brought me to Connecticut, it continued to a semi-long-distance relationship. I worked four days a week and commuted back to Massachusetts after my shift and spent a three-day weekend with him. This ran for almost 7 years. Distance was not only our challenge. Though we have expressed genuine love for each other, back then our kind of love could not marry because of the then Defense of Marriage Act/DOMA which prohibits gay marriage. When this law was repealed in 2013, we tied the knot- our families and friends were our witnesses as we celebrate this momentous event.
Each person I know- whether family, friends, colleagues and patients- I always ask them about their respective relationships and how they maintain a lasting one. The one response that stuck with me and tries to apply on my own is to love unconditionally. On our wedding day and perhaps yours too, one of the passages read to us was that from Corinthians 13:4-8. My partner and I are now almost six years married, and we always try to live everyday with the message from the passage:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Happy Day of the Hearts!
Sunrise at Daytona Beach, FL