Last October I started taking care of a couple who’s been married for sixty five years. They recently moved in a memory care unit- the wife has a significant case of dementia, and the husband was there to be with the wife- he didn’t have any memory problem and could have been more appropriate to be in an assisted living, but chose to be with the wife instead. He however has Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia and just signed up for hospice care. Once again, for the purpose of confidentiality, she will be referred to J and he F.
Their families are very involved with their care. They are closely knit and always visit J and F- one child after another or sometimes the entire clan are around. Like their mom and dad, they were also nice and friendly. In the brief time I took care of this couple, I learned about their love story- on how they met each other until the time they got married have kids, and now being confined to a home that they didn’t dream to be at. Both from the stories J would tell me (on her lucid moments) and from the conversations F and I would sometimes engaged with, it is but fascinating to know a love story tested by time and trials like theirs.
I am always curious about how such strong relationship handles life’s challenges; so in one of my conversations with F, I asked him how he handles their current situation. F said that nothing is sure in life- you just have to gamble and keep moving wherever the road takes you. F also said that there’s going to be bumps on the path you take, and there may be some times you will think you may not be able to get out of them; but just keep on moving. As he continued talking, he expressed that he is more scared of leaving J (than him dying) as he doesn’t know how she would cope up as they were never been separated before. Neither him nor J doesn’t know how to live with the other’s absence. I just listened to him talking.
Three weeks ago J and F’s family gathered together inside their room. When I came to check both of them, the youngest daughter told me that F is not doing well. I was away for a week and had just returned to my regular schedule so I didn’t know what happened from the time I last work until then. Apparently, F’s condition has gotten worse- the past few days he stopped eating and refused to take medications anymore. I went inside his room and tried patting his shoulder and hold his hand briefly just to non-verbally tell him that everything’s gonna be OK. Then he uttered, “Thank you, Jun.” That night F passed away.
That same week was my first attempt at night/astro-photography. On my way home from work to get my gadgets and waited for my photography instructor that night- I looked up and saw a hazy and cloudy sky. A little apprehensive and also too late to cancel the gig, I just decided to go for it. As we drove to Truro, I have anticipated that the shoot will not going to be as good as I had hoped for. Then out of the blue, I was reminded of my conversation with F. “Nothing is sure in life.. you just have to keep moving wherever the road will take you.” True enough, what I expected to be cloudless sky, didn’t happen. The odds were against me. But my photography instructor was very kind and turned the night a great learning experience. Though we didn’t have the milky way, the clouds paved way to have dramatic sky composition post processing. And to be honest, I liked the way the photos turned out.
This is true as well in reference with my career. After being a nurse for more than a decade, I feel I am in a crossroad- not knowing which way to go. I have the strong feeling of leaving this noble profession and start a new one but on the other hand I know my patients need me. On days that I feel frustrated (of the bureaucracy and not my patients) while working, are also days that I face challenging patients’ cases which fulfill me at the end of the day. F was right about having bumps on the road and to just keep on moving. At this point, I am still unsure if I will totally leave the profession as this is where I draw my day-to-day inspiration. As far as I know I keep on moving and I know there’s always a great surprise for me at my unknown destination like that night I first tried astro-photography.
Truro Highland Lighthouse at night in Truro, MA 11.07.2018 shot at 2AM.