To New Beginnings

To New Beginnings…

 During new year, I often look back to reflect upon the blessings and the good things that happened to myself and my family. I also reflect upon the not so good things- and think about the lessons I learned from those experiences.  Combining them together is always a win-win situation. I take them to the next chapter of my life’s story and hope to use them when similar situations take place. 

 Two weeks ago, I took care of a 57-year old gentleman who was primarily diagnosed with Prostate Abscess with TURP (Transurethral Resection of the Prostate) procedure done. I didn’t have an immediate connection with him- I was his third nurse. And getting reports from previous nurses, sometimes give you preconceived ideas about the person, so I distanced myself.  The second day while giving medications he asked me where I was originally from so I told him that I was from the Philippines.  That was our connection.  As we conversed, he mentioned that he had a girlfriend that was from the Philippines but broke up with him after being together for eight years. He started opening up and told me that all his medical conditions started coming out since his break up and he just went downward spiral since then.  That moment I know that this patient is not just struggling with his current medical condition but is also suffering from depression.  So we talked and give him unsolicited encouragement like any nurse does. The next two days I noticed the change in his outlook.  He was not as grouchy as the previous days. When his family came, I updated them.  They validated that my patient has been sad since his relationship went south. I extended them my words of encouragement as well. I have him for another two days after my day off and continued connecting. I sensed that he trusted the way I took care of him so I didn’t get the attitude I got from the reports of my fellow nurses. The day after Christmas, I came back to work from being off during the holidays. I was surprised that he was still admitted- but he wasn’t in my assignment; and glad to know that he is being discharged later that day.  I made sure that I saw him before he went home and gave him my last piece of advice- to look forward and anticipate the greater things; with positive outlooks come positive outcomes.  He shook my hand and thanked me. His mother and step father thanked me as well. I volunteered to wheel him down the lobby where his ride was waiting so I could continue giving him pieces of advice until he got into his family’s car. As I walk back to my unit, I have this sense of pride because I knew somehow I made an impact and a fresh new start is ahead of this patient that I just sent home. 

 About the same time two weeks ago Bob and I also completed another milestone as we closed and bought our home here in Florida.  It took 10 months since all these started.  Around February of 2019 when we first contemplated of moving to somewhere warmer; took two weeks laying out the plan- then we called our realtor to start the process of listing our Cape Cod home for the Spring market.  Not long after that, we received an offer and started packing. In June, before the start of summer, we began our journey. We temporarily rented a house while our home is being built. Six months later,  we opened the front door of our Florida home.  Finally, we are officially Florida residents. This is our new beginning.

 Have a blessed New Year Everyone!!! 

Sunrise at Light House State Park Beach, Ponce Inlet, FL January 02, 2020

Beacon of Hope

I never really paid attention to my assignments when I work as I believe that any patient that comes and admitted to the hospital needs necessary medical care. But the past few weeks, I noticed that they always include young, thirty to forty something year old patient that share one commonality- substance abuse. I have them in the past too, but I never have that precise account in the seriousness of their problems until I have this patient in my assignment three days ago.

 For a brief background, she’s thirty-eight years old, mother of two. She is also homeless and did not relate her working status; but I assume she’s jobless too based on how she narrated her typical day. The first day I have her as a patient she was mostly asleep; only opens her eyes when she’s due for her supplemental medications. The second day she was more awake; able to converse and her symptoms are more evident-she was withdrawing. While on rounds with one of our doctors, I was dumbfounded by the information she narrated to us. She is a long time Heroin user and shoots three to six times a day. The day she brought herself to the emergency department, she dosed herself three times.  I was speechless the entire time she unfolded her story. When the doctor told her his plan of action and left the room, I stayed.  She was crying and uttering to herself that she needs to stop this, but doesn’t know how. I remained quiet and patted her shoulder.  When I have no appropriate advice to give, I keep my silence; and sometimes silence is just the best piece of advice. I was a bit overwhelmed when I walked out of the room and can only imagine what she’s going through; the hardship and the life struggles she is on. 

 I grew up in another country- a third world country.  My life struggle was quite different from my patient’s. Mine was a basic life struggle. But I have my beacon of hope.  Seeing and experiencing poverty first hand aspired me to become better as I grow up.  I remember as a kid, I used to answer, “I wanted to be a doctor” when asked of the question, “What I would like to become when I grow up?”  But as I get older, that became a distant reality. But I never gave up on my dreams. Nursing is the closest I become to a doctor.  I heal people too, only in a different way, and I am proud of it.  

 When I went back to my patient’s room, she was calmer. I also caught her staring at the window.  This was my cue to share my story and my life struggles.  I told her that we all have crosses of different weights to carry and our life experiences maybe different but one thing she should look is the promise of hope that it can change for the better. I suggested to search for her inner self… her younger self that is full of hopes and dreams.

 On my final round before the change of shift, she thanked me. I am not sure how determine she wants to change her life when she gets discharge and that is her own call. But I felt the sincerity in her. And until someone thanked you from the bottom of her heart, you’ll never know how much you touched her life.

What Are You Grateful For?

 The past two months this question, “What are you grateful for?” has become part of my daily mantra as a nurse and as a person. Not that I am not grateful of all the good things that life has brought and continuously bringing onto me- but this time I begin to live more with the consciousness of asking myself at the end of the day and before I sleep- of things, events, and people that I am thankful for. 

 Reading my previous blogs you would learn that our family moved from Massachusetts to Florida; that I started a new job; and if you read more from the archives, I have expressed that sometimes I have the second thought of changing my career. For those who don’t know, nursing is a stressful job and every now and then, the least rewarded too.  With little appreciation, sometimes that breaks someone’s spirit.  When I came on board with my new job, I thought it will be no different from the past I had. One thing that makes it distinct from my previous place of work, is the huddle. For those who’s unfamiliar and for short definition, huddle is what nurses do before/after a shift starts/ends.  We talk about highlights of the shift. With my experience in the past, what I mostly hear during huddle were things nurses fell short. In some but not most occasions there are simple praises. What happens during huddle sets the tone of what a nurse’s day will likely be.  This is the part that I struggle with sometimes. 

 Five weeks of orientation to a new job made me realized the unique experience of a huddle. It starts with the two questions: “Who are you grateful for?” and “Who connected with a patient?”  The first question pertains to someone that made an impact on your day- a fellow nurse, an aide, a therapist or anybody that made your shift a lot easier. The second question is about who made a good relationship with a patient- someone that you learned more about in the 12hr shift. Between the two, the former made the most impact for me personally and as a nurse for the reason that it is a different experience from what I have in the past. That simple question is encouraging and leads to a positive feeling to start a day.  Even though that my name is not called, it is equally impactful to know that someone felt appreciated from lending another hand to a colleague.  It is a rewarding feeling.  Little did I know, I look forward to huddle. 😉

 The same question I ask myself when I wake up. On a personal level, there are so much I am grateful for. I feel blessed that I have a partner and two dogs that make up my family.  They are my rocks and pillars that make me great. I am thankful to have a rewarding job with fantastic and wonderful colleagues that help me continuously grow as a nurse. I am happy that I have dependable and encouraging friends that serve as my support group in every endeavor I embark. And lastly, I am mostly grateful that we are blessed with a beautiful planet. With my evolving passion with photography, I am able to capture its natural wonders. 

TIDES AND UNDERTOWS

About a month ago I started my orientation working as an acute nurse again.  The first week was spent on learning the basic corporate policies; nothing different from the previous work places I have been. But like anybody who is starting a job, anxiety sets in easily as I commenced my training the following week at the unit/floor I am assigned to.  I guess it’s the combination of not knowing the computer program my new work place has (as its different from the ones I used in the past) and the challenge of knowing new people are the things that were making me anxious. Fair justifications I suppose. As days of orientation proceed, I started to get the hang of it and become more comfortable. 

Among the many aspects of nursing, the time I spent with computer documenting is my least favorite. Although I can understand that this part is as essential, I feel that documentations take away the most important part of patient care- being with the patient and helping them heal. But then you learn to juggle in between these. And this part sometimes is the one that gives me second thoughts of leaving my chosen career.  But as I have these thoughts of quitting, good things happen.  

On my third week of orientation, I was given an assignment with a challenging patient. I will call her RM214 as this was her room number. RM214 has severe wound on her genitalia extending to her peri-anal area. She is heavily loaded of high dose pain medications and is non-compliant with wound care. Some nurses already expressed frustrations of having her in their assignments. With such preconceived thoughts, my initial reaction was that I just have to make it through my three-day weekend shifts and I will be all set.  

So, I met her during hand off and exchanged the usual pleasantries. I can’t imagine how she acquired such significant injury at such a young age; her medical history tells me, but I still can’t fathom how. She seemed depressed and withdrawn.  She expressed that she had given up and didn’t care about what I would do with her wound anymore while crying. She wanted to leave and go against medical advise.  Without being judgmental, I could say she is a mess, but at the same time she seems lost.

I pride myself being a nurse. I know that one of the many traits I have is I always try to know my patients beyond just their names.  I reach out and talk to them.   This is what I did with RM214. During our initial conversation I learned that she has a husband and three young kids. I also found out that she likes being asked and be actively involved in things.  These were my hints. I held her accountable and not just a passive participant of her care.  I gave her choices. By the end of my 12-hour shift (and the entire three days), RM214 and I developed a good rapport.  She let me removed her wound dressing and have her participate in doing it. I let her wear gloves and hold some wound supplies.  We chatted about life while I changed the dressing.   In such little way, I let her be in control of her life.  I gave her some authority which I think may have been temporarily lost that caused her to be depressed and withdrawn. She thanked and hugged me when I discharged her on the third day.

The day after that long weekend at work I went to the beach to wash away my stress and regain some strength.  I played with the waves and enjoyed them on my feet- some of them were strong, some were gentle. The tides and undertows reminded me of what a weekend I just had. Nursing can be rewarding and rough sometimes that you feel like just giving up. But when you think you are not being significant, unexpected things like what I just experience take place.  In the end, it is hard to leave such a noble profession when you know you touch lives and make some difference- big or small.